Thanks, July 18th

Friday, July 18th, 2014

Today, I’m thankful it’s Friday. But I’m also thankful for many other things, especially my wife, her name is Brooke.

Brooke,

It’s been almost 10 years that we’ve been married, pushing 12 that we’ve been together. It hasn’t always been easy and I know it won’t always be easy moving forward either. But, I can honestly say that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

I haven’t always been perfect, but you’ve accepted me and helped me become a better person. We’ve learned how to communicate with each other better and better, always being honest and being better at knowing how and when to talk to each other about how we feel. We’ve been able to learn together how to be parents, how to support the each other in the different roles we each must take, and how to help each other deal with the challenge of being a parent on a daily basis. You have made it possible for me to get through the hard times and truly relish the good times. I like to think I help you a little bit, too.

Through our ups and downs with finances, our jobs, and other wordly garbage, I’ve always felt that like leaning on each other helps us realize what really matters. To me, you really matter. Our boys, the greatest gifts you’ve ever given me, matter. Family and friends matter. We’ll get through all of the money pinches, work frustrations, and daily struggles because we have each other.

It’s only a brief little message that can’t nearly express how much you mean to me, but I just want you to know that you are one of the things in life that I am most thankful for. I love you.

All of me,
That Chubby Guy Who is Still Crushing on You

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Thanks, July 17th

Thursday, July 17th, 2014

Today, I’m thankful for this amazing weather.

Thanks, July 16th

Wednesday, July 16th, 2014

Today I’m thankful for a specific family member. I mentioned earlier about my frustration that someone I care about just found out they are sick. Her grace and approach upon hearing this seemingly troubling info is astounding. I wish I could face my trials and struggles with a grace like hers, one that says, “Why worry? Just keep moving forward one day at a time!”

Frustrated

Wednesday, July 16th, 2014

I know I’ve been working on keeping a positive outlook and that this post may feels counterproductive to that, but I wake up today feeling frustrated. In the past year, I’ve seen people I care about pass away, get sick, and go through struggles that I wouldn’t wish on my enemies. Last night, someone else that I hold dear got tough news about a trial they shouldn’t be forced to face but now must.

I woke up wanting to believe that it was all a bad dream, a hellish nightmare. It’s not fair that this person should be forced to go through illness and treatment at this age. It’s not fair that this person must now fear if they will make it through the treatments alive and well. But it’s reality and it’s not just a nightmare.

I hope that this person can take solace in that they will not go it alone. I hope that this person knows that family and friends are hear to help. I hope that this person know that I care. I hope that this person knows how much I’ll be thinking and praying. I hope this person comes out the other side stronger for having faced this struggle. But most of all, I know that this person doesn’t deserve this and I hate that they have to deal with this. I love this person and I hope they know that they can lean on me, on us.

Please keep this person that I hold dear to my heart in your thoughts and prayers.

Thanks, July 15th

Tuesday, July 15th, 2014

I’m thankful I had a great weekend with my wife and kiddos, as well as a nice visit from my pops.

I’m thankful for my extended family who have put up with me for about a decade so far.

I’m thankful for giving and receiving support in the midst of struggle.

I’m thankful that I’m alive and healthy… and that I’m working on being healthier.

I’m thankful for a beautiful wife to share this journey with.

I’m thankful for my two amazingly beautiful little boys.

I’m thankful for so many blessings that remind me that the tough shit is all worth and that there is always a reason to keep fighting.

Move Forward! Let it Go!

Thursday, July 10th, 2014

It’s been nearly a month since I posted… since I posted anything I’m thankful for… since I’ve posted anything at all on here…

I’ve been unmotivated… unmotivated to be at work… unmotivated to post here or on my music/media/culture website… unmotivated to do much of anything that I don’t really have to do… unmotivated to do some of the things that I do have to do…

I feel trapped… trapped by the capitalist machine where I work in order to get ahead, but don’t actually feel like I get ahead… trapped by mortality, seeing people I care about pass away, being reminded that they are gone… trapped by my own mortality, my own illnesses, however small, reminding me that life is fleeting…

I feel guilty… guilty that I am not yet who or where I want to be… guilty that I cannot always be the perfect father or perfect husband… guilty that I cannot reach the ideal…

But today I’ve spent so much time on a huge introspective journey. Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep or the medications I’m adjusting to or something in the air… but I realize that feeling guilty, unmotivated, trapped, and whatever other feelings that have been bogging me down is not at all productive. I need to get back on the thankfulness train, I need to regain my positive outlook, I need to focus on what matters…

My wife matters… she is my #1 person in my life.

My kids matter… they are why I push through the crap, who I work to provide for.

My health matters… because I need to be able to be there for these boys and that beautiful woman.

Being able to let go of grief, pain, guilt, fear, anger, and unproductive feelings matters… because dwelling on them only fucks up my ability to be a better husband, father, follower of Christ… just a better me.

So, today I am making (yet another) pact with myself. Today, I’m letting the shit go. Today, I’m going to make a decided effort to strengthen my faith, let go of what bogs me down, and just do the best I can.

Today, I’m thankful for second (third, fourth, and so on) chances. Today, I’m thankful for the important things. Today, I’m thankful for new beginnings. Today, I’m thankful for support and love. Today, I’m thankful that I have so many things to be thankful about.

Thanks, Day 167

Monday, June 16th, 2014

So, yeah… it’s been awhile… but I just need to check in and let you know I’m still being thankful each day.

Today, I’m thankful that I was able to share something that I’d been bottling up and make a decision to look out for a friend.

Thanks, Day 153

Monday, June 2nd, 2014

Today, I’m thankful that I have health insurance and a doctor who actually gives a shit. When one treatment doesn’t work, they work to get another treatment approved.

Thanks, Day 152: Being Thankful is Super Important

Sunday, June 1st, 2014

12 days since my last Thankfulness post… sorry… I’m struggling with staying on top of this because our family has struggled through much of the past few weeks with emotional crap related to all different types of stuff. But being thankful is probably most important when we’re feeling like crap, right?

Remembering things we’re thankful for helps put things in perspective.

For example, when our friend passed away recently at only 34 years old, I realized how thankful I was for my health and, even moreso, for solid people in my life to lean on. Without being able to lean on each other, these tragedies are much, much harder to take.

I’ve been annoyed about many different issues, angry at several different people, and tired of many things going on around me… but I’m here, I have two beautiful kids, I have an awesome wife, and I have tons of other family and friends that matter much more than the people, places, and things that are pissing me off. Not to mention, I have a roof over my head, a great landlord, a decent playing job, and means to support my family and then some.

Being thankful is a great practice for keeping things in perspective. Being thankful can get us through the day.

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Sunday, May 25th, 2014

Beth Carson