Archive for the ‘Death’ Tag

Move Forward! Let it Go!

Thursday, July 10th, 2014

It’s been nearly a month since I posted… since I posted anything I’m thankful for… since I’ve posted anything at all on here…

I’ve been unmotivated… unmotivated to be at work… unmotivated to post here or on my music/media/culture website… unmotivated to do much of anything that I don’t really have to do… unmotivated to do some of the things that I do have to do…

I feel trapped… trapped by the capitalist machine where I work in order to get ahead, but don’t actually feel like I get ahead… trapped by mortality, seeing people I care about pass away, being reminded that they are gone… trapped by my own mortality, my own illnesses, however small, reminding me that life is fleeting…

I feel guilty… guilty that I am not yet who or where I want to be… guilty that I cannot always be the perfect father or perfect husband… guilty that I cannot reach the ideal…

But today I’ve spent so much time on a huge introspective journey. Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep or the medications I’m adjusting to or something in the air… but I realize that feeling guilty, unmotivated, trapped, and whatever other feelings that have been bogging me down is not at all productive. I need to get back on the thankfulness train, I need to regain my positive outlook, I need to focus on what matters…

My wife matters… she is my #1 person in my life.

My kids matter… they are why I push through the crap, who I work to provide for.

My health matters… because I need to be able to be there for these boys and that beautiful woman.

Being able to let go of grief, pain, guilt, fear, anger, and unproductive feelings matters… because dwelling on them only fucks up my ability to be a better husband, father, follower of Christ… just a better me.

So, today I am making (yet another) pact with myself. Today, I’m letting the shit go. Today, I’m going to make a decided effort to strengthen my faith, let go of what bogs me down, and just do the best I can.

Today, I’m thankful for second (third, fourth, and so on) chances. Today, I’m thankful for the important things. Today, I’m thankful for new beginnings. Today, I’m thankful for support and love. Today, I’m thankful that I have so many things to be thankful about.

Thanks, Day 152: Being Thankful is Super Important

Sunday, June 1st, 2014

12 days since my last Thankfulness post… sorry… I’m struggling with staying on top of this because our family has struggled through much of the past few weeks with emotional crap related to all different types of stuff. But being thankful is probably most important when we’re feeling like crap, right?

Remembering things we’re thankful for helps put things in perspective.

For example, when our friend passed away recently at only 34 years old, I realized how thankful I was for my health and, even moreso, for solid people in my life to lean on. Without being able to lean on each other, these tragedies are much, much harder to take.

I’ve been annoyed about many different issues, angry at several different people, and tired of many things going on around me… but I’m here, I have two beautiful kids, I have an awesome wife, and I have tons of other family and friends that matter much more than the people, places, and things that are pissing me off. Not to mention, I have a roof over my head, a great landlord, a decent playing job, and means to support my family and then some.

Being thankful is a great practice for keeping things in perspective. Being thankful can get us through the day.

Thanks, Day 140

Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

So, I know, I missed a few days… again… I’m trying, I promise.

Today was a rough one, a friend of ours passed after a two year battle with a vicious strain of breast cancer. But, in a positive turn of events, a federal judge struck down the PA marriage ban.

I posted the following on my Facebook page:

My News Feed has been flooded with extreme sadness and extreme happiness. A friend passed overnight and several friends got married as soon as they possibly could.

The cool part of it all is that the same-sex marriage ban being lifted today was kinda a perfect salute to my friend. While she was married and in love with an awesome guy, she was always a staunch supporter of equal rights. Her daughter came out of the closet, welcomed with open arms, which of course only strengthened my friend’s desire to right the injustice thrust upon same-sex couples.

So, as much as my heart is aching for her husband and children, I also get the sneaking suspicion that she’s got a big smile on for her friends and her daughter, who finally get some rights that they should have had long ago.

This kinda sums up the day, so in other words, I’m thankful that a big step was made towards fairness and equality in PA today. I’m thankful that love prevailed. And… I’m also thankful that The Lego Movie came out digitally today.

Oh… one last thing… this is my favorite part of what the ruling judge said when he struck down the bullshit PA same-sex marriage ban:

Some of our citizens are made deeply uncomfortable by the notion of same-sex marriage. However, that same-sex marriage causes discomfort in some does not make its prohibition constitutional. Nor can past tradition trump the bedrock constitutional guarantees of due process and equal protection.

I’m thankful for the fact that discomfort does not equal reason enough for a law.

September 13, 2012

Wednesday, September 11th, 2013

I wrote the following about a year ago. I wanted to share it again, because it still feels right to me…

Eleven years and 2 days ago, I woke up in my dorm room to get ready for class. I felt sick, something didn’t feel right and my stomach felt all types of pukey… I left a VM for my prof, went back to bed and woke up in a daze a bit later, with my roomie telling me a plane crashed into the World Trade Center. I wasn’t fully awake, but after hearing that I couldn’t seem to drift back to sleep. By the time I finished showering and got out to the lounge to see what was going on, I was there just in time to watch live footage of a second plane crashing into the the towers. In utter shock and disbelief, the group of students in the lounge, myself included, was silent.

In the coming months, a lot of people didn’t like me and what I had to say. As America mobilized, I felt the flag flying to be hollow, the response to be inadequate… I couldn’t rah rah against the aggressors or join in the fist shaking. Instead I felt a deep sense of sadness, both for the innocent lives lost and for America’s complete lack of understanding. Of course the initial response was anger at Osama and al Qaeda, but why could no one admit that our policies and our actions as a nation brought on these attacks in some way.

This is not to say that I sympathize or sympathized with the terrorists. Those men, even if they believed what they were doing was right, were dead wrong. They acted with pure evil in their hearts and minds. They were devils in the flesh. But, to ignore the root cause is, to say the least, unfortunate… and unfortunately, the American way.

Over these past 11 years, my heart still aches for the families who lost innocent fathers, mothers, uncles, aunts, children… and my heart still aches for a nation that has never begun to address the roots, still addressing only the symptoms. As time passed, it became a bit more acceptable to discuss the role of American policy and practice in leading to the events on that fateful September morn, but it seems that discussing our policies is as far as it goes.

For the past few days, I’ve been praying that one day we can live in a nation where we have leaders who not only see and discuss the root causes of our problems but address them. I support our current administration, but in this regard, they have not done nearly enough… and I pray that somehow and someday that will change.

Join me in prayer for the hurting, the lost, the innocent, the confused, the leaders, the people, the problems of our great nation.