Archive for the ‘health’ Tag

Move Forward! Let it Go!

Thursday, July 10th, 2014

It’s been nearly a month since I posted… since I posted anything I’m thankful for… since I’ve posted anything at all on here…

I’ve been unmotivated… unmotivated to be at work… unmotivated to post here or on my music/media/culture website… unmotivated to do much of anything that I don’t really have to do… unmotivated to do some of the things that I do have to do…

I feel trapped… trapped by the capitalist machine where I work in order to get ahead, but don’t actually feel like I get ahead… trapped by mortality, seeing people I care about pass away, being reminded that they are gone… trapped by my own mortality, my own illnesses, however small, reminding me that life is fleeting…

I feel guilty… guilty that I am not yet who or where I want to be… guilty that I cannot always be the perfect father or perfect husband… guilty that I cannot reach the ideal…

But today I’ve spent so much time on a huge introspective journey. Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep or the medications I’m adjusting to or something in the air… but I realize that feeling guilty, unmotivated, trapped, and whatever other feelings that have been bogging me down is not at all productive. I need to get back on the thankfulness train, I need to regain my positive outlook, I need to focus on what matters…

My wife matters… she is my #1 person in my life.

My kids matter… they are why I push through the crap, who I work to provide for.

My health matters… because I need to be able to be there for these boys and that beautiful woman.

Being able to let go of grief, pain, guilt, fear, anger, and unproductive feelings matters… because dwelling on them only fucks up my ability to be a better husband, father, follower of Christ… just a better me.

So, today I am making (yet another) pact with myself. Today, I’m letting the shit go. Today, I’m going to make a decided effort to strengthen my faith, let go of what bogs me down, and just do the best I can.

Today, I’m thankful for second (third, fourth, and so on) chances. Today, I’m thankful for the important things. Today, I’m thankful for new beginnings. Today, I’m thankful for support and love. Today, I’m thankful that I have so many things to be thankful about.

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Thanks, Day 153

Monday, June 2nd, 2014

Today, I’m thankful that I have health insurance and a doctor who actually gives a shit. When one treatment doesn’t work, they work to get another treatment approved.

Thanks, Days 125-126

Tuesday, May 6th, 2014

Yesterday and today, I’ve been preoccupied with a situation. Essentially, I’m waiting to hear some news… I think it should be great news but I’m trying to tamper my expectations, just in case.

With that, I’m thankful for the prayers of my friends, the support of my family, and the distractions my kids provide from my annoying anxiety.

Today, I’m also thankful for the gorgeous weather, which will provide the perfect backdrop for a nice run/walk today.

Step by Step: A Fresh Start

Monday, May 5th, 2014

I’ve tried to lose weight for years. Sometimes successful, sometimes not. But permanent changes are needed. Today, I start. I need some rules for eating, rules for exercising, and rules for living.

It’s time…

Thanks, Day 86

Thursday, March 27th, 2014

Today, I’m thankful that each day I’m getting closer to feeling like this sickness that took me out for awhile is gone. It’s really just a cough and a bit of a drain on my energy now, which is a VAST improvement!