So, I have this friend… or at this point I guess he’s just a “friend”… who I’ve only known for about a year. Over the past year, despite only hanging out a few times, we’ve talked a lot, mostly about music. We have, however, begun to share real thoughts on life. To me, it was a friendship that I valued as a burgeoning one, one that was growing, one that was not yet close-knit but perhaps headed that way. At the very least, this fellow had become one of my favorite people to debate music with and one of the few folks I know interested in discussing some of the quirkier interests I have (like researching motorcycle clubs and watching documentaries on racialist groups and gangs).
Over the past week, this “friend” had stopped returning my text messages, which was odd. I figured that perhaps he’d lost his phone, until yesterday. Yesterday morning, I had a question to ask him and decided to sent him a message through social media. I soon realized that he was no longer my friend or follower on any social media outlets. So, I reactivated my old Facebook account for a few minutes and sent a message. Only a few minutes after I did that, it showed me that he read it. Then I looked at my text messages to him and realized they had also been delivered, since we both had iPhones.
So, after a few messages asking if I’d upset him somehow and to let me know, he’s still ignoring me. I noticed that his wife had unfollowed/unfriended/etc. me on social media outlets, as well.
Why am I sharing this story? Because I wanted to shed light on how I feel about this type of passive aggressive action. First and foremost, I have no idea what I may have done to piss off this guy that I believed to be a friend. In order for me to make anything right, I’d need to actually know. In order for me to know, he’d have to actually tell me.
It’s okay for someone to be angry with me. It’s even okay for someone to not want to pursue a friendship and decide they no longer want to be in contact with me. However, I think being unwilling to tell someone how you feel is complete and utter bullshit. And, sadly, this situation has actually been eating me up for a day now. I care about people and don’t like hurting anyone. However, the longer this situation sits without this “friend” getting back to me, the colder my heart is going to grow towards him.
It’s not just him, though. So many people… so many “mature adults”, in fact… like to use passive aggressive means to handle their situations. Instead of confronting people who’ve upset them, they talk behind someone’s back, pretend nothing is wrong, or simply ignore someone. The Internet makes doing this even easier. Social media allows people to complain, trash talk, and vent without any “manning up” at all. Many times, people post about their friends indirectly hoping that those friends will see it and feel bad.
If this blog were my only way of handling my feelings on this, it could also fall into this category of online passive aggressiveness. However, I expressed how I feel to my “friend” before taking to WordPress… and I plan also to share this blog with him in the coming days.
In short, through this rant-y diatribe, I want to get one point across… whoever you are, you should own your actions and your feelings. If you are angry with someone, own it. If you are hurt or confused, own it. If you screwed up, own it. Otherwise, you may as well head back to the 5th grade and stop pretending you’re a responsible, mature adult.