Archive for the ‘Love’ Tag

Move Forward! Let it Go!

Thursday, July 10th, 2014

It’s been nearly a month since I posted… since I posted anything I’m thankful for… since I’ve posted anything at all on here…

I’ve been unmotivated… unmotivated to be at work… unmotivated to post here or on my music/media/culture website… unmotivated to do much of anything that I don’t really have to do… unmotivated to do some of the things that I do have to do…

I feel trapped… trapped by the capitalist machine where I work in order to get ahead, but don’t actually feel like I get ahead… trapped by mortality, seeing people I care about pass away, being reminded that they are gone… trapped by my own mortality, my own illnesses, however small, reminding me that life is fleeting…

I feel guilty… guilty that I am not yet who or where I want to be… guilty that I cannot always be the perfect father or perfect husband… guilty that I cannot reach the ideal…

But today I’ve spent so much time on a huge introspective journey. Perhaps it’s the lack of sleep or the medications I’m adjusting to or something in the air… but I realize that feeling guilty, unmotivated, trapped, and whatever other feelings that have been bogging me down is not at all productive. I need to get back on the thankfulness train, I need to regain my positive outlook, I need to focus on what matters…

My wife matters… she is my #1 person in my life.

My kids matter… they are why I push through the crap, who I work to provide for.

My health matters… because I need to be able to be there for these boys and that beautiful woman.

Being able to let go of grief, pain, guilt, fear, anger, and unproductive feelings matters… because dwelling on them only fucks up my ability to be a better husband, father, follower of Christ… just a better me.

So, today I am making (yet another) pact with myself. Today, I’m letting the shit go. Today, I’m going to make a decided effort to strengthen my faith, let go of what bogs me down, and just do the best I can.

Today, I’m thankful for second (third, fourth, and so on) chances. Today, I’m thankful for the important things. Today, I’m thankful for new beginnings. Today, I’m thankful for support and love. Today, I’m thankful that I have so many things to be thankful about.

Thanks, Day 140

Tuesday, May 20th, 2014

So, I know, I missed a few days… again… I’m trying, I promise.

Today was a rough one, a friend of ours passed after a two year battle with a vicious strain of breast cancer. But, in a positive turn of events, a federal judge struck down the PA marriage ban.

I posted the following on my Facebook page:

My News Feed has been flooded with extreme sadness and extreme happiness. A friend passed overnight and several friends got married as soon as they possibly could.

The cool part of it all is that the same-sex marriage ban being lifted today was kinda a perfect salute to my friend. While she was married and in love with an awesome guy, she was always a staunch supporter of equal rights. Her daughter came out of the closet, welcomed with open arms, which of course only strengthened my friend’s desire to right the injustice thrust upon same-sex couples.

So, as much as my heart is aching for her husband and children, I also get the sneaking suspicion that she’s got a big smile on for her friends and her daughter, who finally get some rights that they should have had long ago.

This kinda sums up the day, so in other words, I’m thankful that a big step was made towards fairness and equality in PA today. I’m thankful that love prevailed. And… I’m also thankful that The Lego Movie came out digitally today.

Oh… one last thing… this is my favorite part of what the ruling judge said when he struck down the bullshit PA same-sex marriage ban:

Some of our citizens are made deeply uncomfortable by the notion of same-sex marriage. However, that same-sex marriage causes discomfort in some does not make its prohibition constitutional. Nor can past tradition trump the bedrock constitutional guarantees of due process and equal protection.

I’m thankful for the fact that discomfort does not equal reason enough for a law.

Thanks, Day 85

Wednesday, March 26th, 2014

To be honest, today has been pissing me off. I was upset about a family situation for a big chunk of the day. I’m sick of reading stories of stupid Christians who don’t represent Jesus at all. I’m tired of being told that I can’t call a bigot a bigot, because people has religious rights. I find 90 % of social media pudding me off…

But, I’m thankful for this personal assignment. I’m thankful that I wanted to do this. Forcing myself to think on what I’m thankful for today makes me shift focus, if only for a few minutes.

I’m thankful I’m a dad and a husband. I’m thankful for my three greatest blessings. I love you, Cash, Weston, and Brookie!

Today, I’m thankful that I am remembering to be thankful!

Thanks, Day 57

Wednesday, February 26th, 2014

Today, I’m thankful for two artists specifically, as they both, in some way, inspired me to write poetry for the first time in years. Those artists are friend and poet, Jeremy Ritch and the late, great Harold Ramis. I’ve been reading Jeremy’s work for awhile and his honesty (even when it makes me want to shake him, yell at him, or argue with him) is inspiring. Ramis just passed away and one of the pieces I read on him said something like, “Ramis is gone, but the art he left us will never go away.” This made me think that maybe I should make a point to pick up the pen whenever I get the itch and not be too lazy/unmotivated/whatever.

So, here’s a poem about being thankful. I have two others I am finalizing to post on my arts & culture website about motivation and addiction, respectively. This poem is about my wife… It’s short and simple but I’d like to think it’s a bit more mature than the sappy, emo stuff I wrote for her in college.

“Where the Heart Is”

Every day that I go to work,
I thank God that I come home to you.

Every time I hear of unloving marriages,
I thank God that I come home to you.

Every time that I feel stressed and unmotivated,
I thank God that I come home to you.

No matter where “home” is,
I thank God that I come home to you.

I may flush this out more and expand on it, but for now… there it is… my first fresh poem in a LONG time.

Thanks, Valentine’s Style

Friday, February 14th, 2014

Yesterday, I was very thankful thank our electric didn’t go out and the snow caused us no damage.

Today, I’m thankful for my Valentine, 12 years running. Loving you babe!

Thanks, Day 43

Thursday, February 13th, 2014

Today, I’m thankful for a loving, adorable, talented, and sexy wife.

Thanks, Day 28-29

Wednesday, January 29th, 2014

Yesterday, I was thankful for a good dinner and the means to make and enjoy a good dinner.

Today, I am extremely thankful for my wife. I’m thankful for her grace in putting up with my kids’ crap. I’m thankful for her live and affection. I’m thankful that she cares so much for our kids, even when they are rude, ungrateful, and naughty as hell. I am thankful that God put us in each other’s lives.

Thanks, Day 16

Thursday, January 16th, 2014

Today, I’m thankful that even after an argument, I always know that my marriage is the glue that keeps my life stable. I love my wife and I know I’m loved.

Thanks, Days 4 and 5

Sunday, January 5th, 2014

Yesterday, I was very thankful to be able to enjoy an Eagles playoff game (despite the loss) with people I love.

Today, I am thankful to have enjoyed a restful day while the boys took long naps.

A Year in Thankfulness

Wednesday, January 1st, 2014

My beautiful wife (whom I am infinitely thankful for) thought it would be a great idea to journal something we are thankful for each day in 2014. The rule is that each day we have to jot down at least one thing we’re thankful for. I intend to record my thankfulness here, on this blog. So, it begins.

Family

Today I’m thankful for a caring wife who let me take a much needed nap while she took care of my crazy toddlers.

Today I’m thankful that my boys look up to me and that I have an opportunity to teach them how to do be good men.

Today I’m thankful that my life isn’t run by the book of Leviticus.